As The Refine Company we talk a lot about refining your spaces. And while this is definitely our schtick, we see the importance in refining your entire life. Everything that you experience has an effect on you. While we're big believers that your space plays a huge role in that, we're not naive to the fact that there's more to the story.
The Holiday season, while exciting and fun, can also feel extremely overwhelming. And it can be quite a burden to our mental health if we aren't honoring what it is we actually want to participate in, who we want to engage with, and what we really want to do. Today we want to remind you that during all of the hustle and bustle of this season, and through all of the expectations thrown your way, you have a choice. You and how you feel must always come first. If you're pouring from an empty cup, it's not benefitting anyone, especially you.
Here are a list of the 5 things we believe you actually aren't required to do this holiday season, despite the fact it feels as though you are.
1. The event isn't ruined if you don't go
Repeat after us: "I do not have to go to any event I do not want to go to." We get it. Seems so simple. Until of course, you get that guilt trip phone call asking for your reasons why you won't be attending. The thing is, you don't owe anyone your reasons. Not having the capacity to go is enough. The Holidays are super overwhelming as it is and it can feel like everyone is vying for your attention. But the reality is, the event will be just fine if you don't go! People may miss you, but they'll all survive! When you betray yourself and what you really want, it tends to create resentment, anger and frustration within you and sometimes even toward other people. We encourage you to respect yourself, your energy, and your mental capacity for events this year. Don't go to something just because you feel like you have to. When you go because you want to, the experience tends to be much more enjoyable. And when you skip events you don't want to go to, you have a much bigger mental capacity for the events you actually really do want to attend and you will likely enjoy them much more!
2. Toxic family members are not entitled to your time
Who did you think of when you read that? That's who we're talking about. They're not entitled to your time just because it's the holidays. However, this aspect goes much deeper than not interacting with toxicity during the holidays. This should be considered in your every day life as well. When we talk about "refining" your life and "removing the clutter", this can be applied to people in your life who cause you anxiety, stress or make you feel bad about yourself too. You're not required to take criticism from your over opinionated Aunt. You don't need to take the abuse from your rumor-spreading cousin, and you don't have to engage with your long-winded, know-it-all Uncle. It is ok to go no contact to protect your peace. It is ok to leave the room if you're not interested in engaging with someone. Your feelings matter too. Gone are the days of people pleasing! Refine your life in any way that you can so you can experience the joy the holidays are meant to bring.
3. Inauthentic gratefulness is draining
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now. Times are tough, money is tight, and the idea that we should all be grateful is a little off putting. We aren't saying that being grateful for what we have isn't important. We're just acknowledging that being forced to feel a certain way on certain days can be really draining for your psyche. We implore you to embrace how you're really feeling regardless of the date. If you're feeling overwhelmed and depressed, that's ok. There is no requirement to be inauthentic at any point in life. However, it's also important to realize that it's equally as important to embrace gratefulness, excitement and joy that you feel every day of the year! If you want to to put that tree up early, do it! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Embrace how you're feeling every day and let yourself truly feel it. When we feel, we heal.
4. Gifts don't equate to love
With Black Friday just around the corner, the overwhelming expectation to spend money is looming. You do not have to participate in every sale that comes across your social media page. You are not missing out. Sales happen all year. We want to remind you that if you don't get someone a gift, that doesn't mean you don't love them. And there are more ways to show love than to buy something for someone. You can show someone you love them by making them food, spending quality time with them, or going somewhere special! The list is truly endless. Now there isn't anything wrong with buying gifts for loved ones! We personally enjoy seeing someone's happiness when opening a gift they love. We just want this blog to be your permission (if you don't get it anywhere else!) to let you know it's okay if it's not in the budget this year. It's ok if you're struggling and all you can offer is your time. Your time and your presence will be enough for those who truly love you!
5. Keeping the peace isn't your duty
Let's be real, the holidays are the best...and they can be a little chaotic. You are not required to make and keep everyone happy at all times. The key to getting through the holiday season with ease is to allow whatever comes up, to come up. There is no such thing as a perfectly curated, picture perfect holiday season. The best part of being with family and friends is the authenticity, the realness and the time spent together- regardless of what that may look like. Give yourself some grace. You're doing the best that you can and that's all that matters. Peace is a mindset.
In Closing,
While this is a bit different than our usual blog, we felt this was important. There are endless gift guides, long lists of why you should be thankful, places you should go, food you should make, things you should do...and we wanted to let you know it's ok to breathe. It's ok to not embrace every single thing that is going on, unless of course you want to! We LOVE the holiday season, and we also struggle through parts of it. We wanted to make sure to normalize that aspect of it too.
So all in all, remember that you can say no to anything you don't want to do, it's okay to feel your authentic feelings, and you aren't in charge of keeping the peace for everyone else! Enjoy the holidays authentically, we promise it will change the way you view them.
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